It was a perfect weekend when I stared blankly at my phone notification, a sea of unread messages, social media updates, and plenty of web series suggestions to watch, but a strange emptiness crept in. I felt like I was going through the motions, but a part of me was just missing.

Abstract

Remember that wide-eyed kid who dreams of changing the world one day? The kid with the dream to live life to its fullest, do you remember her? Me Neither. Somewhere between the never-ending bill payments, climbing the promotion career ladder, or building a lavish social profile, I lost track of the person I was supposed to be. And staring blankly at my life, I do nothing more than wonder, is this just what adulting is?

A monotonous cycle of work, eat, sleep and repeat? Repeat with an existing dread boiling inside?

Cutting to the chase, in the complex Maze of adulthood, I’ve gradually lost myself. Somewhere in the labyrinth of responsibilities and the superficiality of the world, I have lost the sense of identity and pure happiness, left with feeling nothing more than just being lost.

The Maze of Success

So, the day starts early with the constant beep of my alarm, and there begins my autopilot mode. We spend years chasing this delusional thing called “success,” success, as they say, is the key, but lately, it feels more like a treadmill; I am stuck on running faster and faster but getting nowhere. Promotions, deadlines and that never-ending to-do list, it’s all a blur, isn’t it? So, did you take a moment just to stop and ask yourself what success is- is it just a six-figure salary or the corner office?

Success is the feeling of accomplishment, big or small; It's about celebrating the wins.

• It’s a success that you finally finish that project that’s been looming over you forever
• It’s a success when you release some weight off your shoulders and grab lunch with a colleague
• It’s a success that you savour the meal, laughing, building memories about something that kicks in your Dopamine

The Social Facade

After work, the second thing that has the most robust grip on me is social media. The other day, I was scrolling mindlessly through Instagram and bam!! Nia from college posted her beach in Bali with the caption “Living my best life,” and all of a sudden, my own weekend of favourite food, series, and tons of sleep became the epitome of boring.

Social media serve to connect with friends and family, but lately, it feels like a comparison trap.

Collecting my racing thoughts, I realized something for the very first time; I realized that Nia’s beach picture is just a snapshot of her vacation, not her whole life

• Maybe She’s too stressed about the work too?
• Maybe she is worried and missing her home
• Maybe She is too scared of getting back into an endless monotonous routine, even on her vacation

Then the question arises: Amidst all the glamour and sunshine, is it real? Are the filtered platforms just pawns playing their role in draining our energy, deceiving the will to find genuine connections or pure happiness?

The Double Edge Sword- Love

Love, ah, Love- Isn’t Love supposed to be the answer to everything? Well, in the movies, at least. This new GenZ era has cursed this exquisitely beautiful emotion in its own way. Dating in this age of fancy application feels nothing less than a never-ending series of awkward swipes and forced conversation. Last week, I went on a date with a guy who talked about himself, his struggle at work, conflicts with friends and family, barely acknowledging my existence. It was not that the guy was self-centred. It's because he was in the same boat as me, like you, like us.

Moving with an endless motion and reaching no where or taking no stop to enjoy or adore moments of the journey.

Surviving till 2024, I figured that much out that Love isn’t about grand gestures and fireworks, about the dreamy romance and eternal bond, but I might expect life to give at least something

• The organic spark?
• The reliability of getting vulnerable together
• The ache of togetherness, The laugh, The shared stories, The genuine connection

Finally, The Pursuit of Happiness

So, where do we go from here? Where do I even start? Has genuine happiness become just a relic of my childhood? Maybe, Maybe Not. Perhaps happiness might not be a destination but a journey of rediscovering the little things, rediscovering the real me. Maybe it's about stepping off the treadmill of “adulting” and reconnecting with the part of myself that got buried along the way.

But then again, the question stands still

Will I ever find myself?

The truth is, I don’t know, I even don’t know if I want to find myself. Will I be happy once I find myself? Maybe by sharing my story, I am weighing off the burdens of living a worthless life. Throughout my life, I just want to remember those carefree childhood days when my biggest worry was whether my ice cream cone would melt before I finished it. I just want to forget about the rest and drown in my genuine laughter, spontaneous adventure, and carefree summer. Perhaps it was the disappointment of a dream deferred. Whatever the culprit, the joy of simply existing, the unfiltered emotions, or the delight of a perfectly ordinary day- everything vanished, replacing the sense of “Where did the real me go?”

On that note, Take a moment to recall yourself, connect to yourself, and find yourself because here’s the thing—that kid might be buried, but they are not gone. So, cheers to the attempt we can make to reclaim ourselves. 

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