We have all heard of that popular sentence – Shaadi ka Laddoo jo khaaye - pachtaaye, jo naa khaaye woh bhi pachtaaye! Which translates to - you would regret the sweet of marriage both when you have it and when you don’t. However, the decision of getting married is not something that can be understood with just a funny line!! It is more than just a phrase. It is more than just a random event of your life. It is a connection. A partnership. A life-long commitment. BUT it is also a Choice.
In most Indian families or maybe even in other countries, Marriage is a Big Deal! A huge milestone!! And sometimes it is given so much importance in one’s life that we often begin to wonder if this is our Life’s aim. Were we born to get married? Is marrying someone the Ultimate Goal? Can not getting married at all not be on your list? Will you lose something if you don’t get married? Is it wrong to feel like you just don’t feel like getting married?
Just like everything else, this coin has two sides, too!
What we think and believe is that it is as important as education, career, and other dreams and goals. We think we will be happy when we have a partner because we will always have someone to talk to about all our happy and sad moments. We think that our life will be easy because there will be someone to share it all with. We also think that it will be One Task Ticked Off from our Life’s to-do list.
However, here are 25 things that we don’t think about or rather don’t want to see/believe when it comes to getting married or the questions that should be asked by us to us:
(These apply irrespective of your marriage being a Love Marriage or an Arranged one.)
1. What if you are not able to digest the tiny and the not-so-pleasant habits or ways of being of your partner because now, you’d be staying with them every single day?
2. What if you realize that the compatibility you had experienced was only on a superficial level and your deepest thoughts and ways of thinking do not align at all?
3. What if they love someone else or they still love someone from their past and are not completely over it? (They can always be vulnerable to leave you. You never know!)
4. What if your eating habits/ religious choices/ daily habits/ ways of being with your own families/ ways of hanging out with your friends do not align and you are not ready to accept the differences?
5. What if you fall out of love? What if this person doesn’t look/ seem attractive enough, anymore? (When there can be temporary mood swings, there could also be a permanent change of heart.)
6. What if your partner’s parents do not “get” you and that begins to affect your relationship with your partner as well?
7. What if your partner begins to like someone else at their workplace or friends’ circle (and well, thanks to the multiple social media platforms that can make this a piece of cake.) and you are still as deeply in love with them as before?
8. What if everything is fine and you love each other BUT your ideas about parenting are different?
9. What if you don’t know how to handle conflicts that you never saw coming because you were so in love, initially and thought you’d never fight with each other?!
10. What if your train-of-thoughts of bringing up your child is entirely different from your partner’s?
11. What if your partner doesn’t understand the truest, raw version of you? (Because falling in love can easily sound strongly convincing while just being based on a crust level.)
12. What if your partner’s love and attraction towards you begins to change due to any change in your appearance (which may also sometimes be inevitable!)?
13. What if the little problematic things become the center of your life and lead to bigger issues?
14. What if you lack the capability of solving the issues that the two of you have, on your own and your relationship begins to get influenced by that third external perspective?
15. What if you realize that your sense of self-care and freedom is vanishing?
16. What if your individuality starts getting affected because you are too influenced by your partner’s perspectives even when they don’t align with yours?
17. What if you stop loving yourself because you are dedicated to only loving your partner?
18. What if your partner is not ready to adjust to things that are different than them? (Adjusting is not needed but as separate individuals, people will certainly have differences and one must accept the person as a whole package and not just for 1 or 2 qualities they had liked.)
19. What if your partner doesn’t know/ learn how to keep away the external people who would interfere in your life to take “your” decisions?
20. What if your partner begins to compare you with other/ more desirable people after a few weeks/ months or even years of being married?
21. What if your partner’s financial decisions or shopping preferences don’t match yours?
22. What if your partner doesn’t understand a thing about something you are passionate about?
23. What if your partner doesn’t appreciate the things that you would want to be appreciated for?
24. What if your partner lacks the ability to be a constant solid support system for you?
25. What if your partner cannot connect with you emotionally and cannot be your Best Buddy?
These are the questions that are based on May-or-May-not. These may NOT happen with every couple. However, JUST to be positive about Love and Marriage, one cannot think about Life’s reality in an impractical manner.
Deciding whether one wants to get married is a very personal choice and mustn’t be done as a to-do list task or because of family or peer pressure! Getting married is a fairly big decision in your life and mere love or attraction may not be enough or long-lasting.
There is sure the option of divorcing or taking back the decision of marrying. However, it would most probably be after a lot of mental and emotional trauma, already! (One wouldn’t reach the Divorce Decision just in a jiffy!)
Why put yourself through a lack of love and feelings of sadness when you can have a happy, fulfilling marriage just by taking your time and making some conscious efforts to get to know yourself and your partner?!
DO NOT get Married JUST because you think You Have To! JUST because you find the guy/girl attractive! JUST because your parents think it’s the right age! JUST because all your friends have got married (or are probably also parents by now!) JUST because people make you think that’s a sign of how successful you are in Life! JUST to feel desirable! JUST because you think it looks all pretty, sweet and romantic in the Movies and must be the same in Real Life, too! JUST because you think you can eventually fall in love AFTER getting married!!
Everyone has the power and freedom to take their own decisions and to focus on self-love before they get ready to love someone else. Getting Married or not and if yes then when is an Individual, Personal choice, and a matter of only the two people directly involved!!
Do not be in a rush unless you are mentally and emotionally prepared AND Independent. (Your partner also needs a Partner, ultimately! They ain’t looking for a Human Project!)
Finding your Mr./ Miss Right is always going to be a mix of your conscious decision-making and God’s plans for you!! So, Believe in the Magic of Love and stay super positive on living the most filmy and cute Love Story with your Woman/Man. But at the same time, also get practical and THINK before you take this Life-Decision since it will involve and affect a lot more Lives in the Present AND in the Future than just the two of you!!
May you find the RIGHT and Forever Partner to get married to and your Love-Life gets filled with Rainbow Colours, with Rose Flowers, with all the Movie moments you ever imagined yourself in, and with all things Divine!!
