Let me start by asking a simple question, "Have you ever fallen in love?" Now let me ask you a 'not so simple', "Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend?"

Everyone will have different answers to these questions, some will find it beautiful as they have fallen in love and got love in return, and their stories got complete. Some will find it cringe or may consider themselves too cool for these questions, while the rest will find these questions painfully beautiful. 

I am some of those people, the one who finds it painfully beautiful. My favourite movie of all time is 'JANE TU YA JANE NA', it's a beautiful movie about two best friends falling in love. I loved this movie since my childhood and was always in search of my 'Jay Singh Rathore ' (the main character). One day I thought I found mine. I never realised when I fell in love with my best friend, I loved how it irritated me, hugged me, pulled my cheeks, and listened to and dedicated songs to me. It was a bittersweet feeling as somewhere I knew I was the only one who fell in love. 

I never told him that I loved him a little more than a friend, I was too scared. Before I actually realised that I started falling for him, things started going south. We stopped talking, he walked away. It was one of the most difficult phases of my life. I used to picture him in every situation, I used to have flashbacks of us together. I couldn't talk to anyone as there was a lot in my heart for him. My friends were a great support in that phase of life but I could only tell 10% of how I actually felt. I started writing to relieve my pain and eventually things got better. I published a book, not for him but because of him. The book is all about my love, and my feelings. The title of the book is 'I still hide you in my poem'.

The book was liked and appreciated but  I never got to know whether he read it or not. He knew about the book though and he also knew that the book is about him but I never got a response. 

Again it's a bittersweet feeling. I am strong, happy, and in a much better place. 

I would like to end by writing one of my poems.

MORE THAN A FRIEND

Please stop coming in my dreams 
Please let me also find my peace 
It's been a year since things started going south 
It's been a year since I realised how much I loved you a little more than my friend
It's been a year since everybody knew about it but you played dead
What would have happened if I told you that I love you but not as a friend
Would you have ended up being more than a best friend? 
Before I realised my love for you, you changed 
My eyes could tell where I remained 
It's almost a year now 
And I am still trying my best to come out of this cloud.

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