Image by StockSnap from Pixabay 

It's 12 am. I place my books aside and go to bed. However, I just can’t sleep without listening to music.

I plug my earphones and dive deep into a land of love as I am listening to melodious romantic music. I start thinking about all the boys I ever developed an affection for and to all those to whom I possibly can’t say those three magical words because they were, at some point, and are, among my best friends in the world. They have changed me in a way I simply can’t comprehend. I love them so much but I can’t be with them forever. That shit hurts. It hurts deeply. A romantic song is followed by a party song and it reminds me of all those fun times with them, those wild crazy times when neither of us was even thinking about our future. Drinking cold beer, swimming along with cold ocean waves, and enjoying the vibes; were the only thoughts in our minds back then. Orchestrating a genius yet innovative prank, fear of getting busted unexpectedly, and laughing wholeheartedly after the plan is executed perfectly; were the only things we felt.

When the music stopped I realized that even after being surrounded by friends, family, and our loved ones; still somewhere we are so fucking alone that if occasionally we come across some unique person we fall for them without any thought, and so fucking rapidly that one could literally hear one’s brain telling to one’s heart; you got to be kidding me. This is me being practical. This is me thinking this is life, not a clichéd and highly overrated Bollywood movie. But my very next thought is Why can’t this be a movie? Why can’t my process of falling in love be almost equivalent to the closest to reality Bollywood movie love story?

I wake up early in the morning. I have a movie plan with my gals. It’s a MCU movie; my absolute favorite. That night, I couldn’t enjoy romantic songs. I changed my playlist entirely and now it is filled with rock music. And my thought process goes like Who needs love when I have this? I ain’t no romantic girl, always dreaming about her knight in shining armor but I am certain that type of girl who’s like fuck love; I am hot, single, cool, and forever happy city gal.

The next day I meet my friend/ in some fucked up way my crush and I once again turn into that girlish girl all she needs is surprise presents and coming out of nowhere cute, long, comfy hugs from a person who is not even her boyfriend. This time I could actually sense my left cerebral hemisphere laughing at my right cerebral hemisphere; my right hemisphere laughing back and my heart lying in one corner and thinking what the fuck is going on and would I be soon proved clinically insane by these two bulky masses of gyri and sulci.

Our eyes capture the beauty of that special person lying in front of us. Our ears capture those extraordinary things which in turn our brain cells diagnose as being unique. Our smiles and laughter make that moment more memorable. Our sensory cortex then starts developing feelings about that person, but other brain cells are still confused about whether those feelings are of love or of mere friendship.

It's 2 days, then 2 weeks, then 2 months. We don’t meet. Our eyes start missing the glimpse, our ears start missing those stupid yet adorable jokes. Our cerebellum detects something is absent in our neighboring surroundings; it in turn orders our body to be not well-oriented with time, place, and person; drowned deep into memories of that person. The next day we see that person with some other gal, and our eyes, ears, and brain cells are just not ready to accept their reality. This is when our heart muscle fibers start developing emotions. Then we start behaving in a pathetic manner; rather immaturely; just to gain the attention of that person. Just to spend our already scarce time with him. It's madness; it's absolute madness. Your eyes are aware. Your ears are aware. Your brain is aware. But once your heart comes into play, there is no stopping. You are doing the stupidest thing of your life and even to your own surprise; you can actually see your brain giving a head go to your heart to carry on this stupid, utterly useless mission.

Then you wake up in the morning; you feel weird; as if you relived those 5 dreams within dreams of Inception; and meet your friends after a very long time. That special person is also among your close friends. Your eyes have that normal yet radiant sparkle, your ears are attentive as you are a medical student, and your brain cells are working like shit but now at a temporary moment of relief, your heart is pumping blood normally. A smile comes on your face and a smile comes on his face; and at that moment an idea strikes collectively my eyes, ears, brain cells, and heart; its attachment. That’s what we share. Its attachment where we know that we love each other, but at the same time we are aware that we are ought to live our own individual lives. It's an attachment where we know that we adore each other, but at the same time, we know that in both of our lives we are destined to meet our soulmates sometime in the future. Its attachment is where we know that we care for each other and always would in past, present, and future.

That’s what makes me the happiest; the attachment which I share with my friends.

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