Active Listening or Active Distractions:

The usage of social media sites has experienced rapid growth, paralleled by an increase in the number of users. As of April 2023, the global count of social media users stands at nearly 5 billion, which accounts for approximately 63% of the world's population. It is noteworthy that 9 out of 10 internet users engage with social media platforms on a monthly basis. On average, individuals between the ages of 16 and 70 spend approximately 5 years of their lifetime using social media. And the average time spent by an individual on social media apps is approximately 2.5 hours per day. This statistic highlights the significant engagement of users with social media platforms on a daily basis.

Alarming! Yes, it is.

The staggering statistics regarding social media users not only demonstrate the level of global connectivity but also raise concerns about our diminishing ability to engage in face-to-face interactions.

Gone are the days when extended families would gather in a common area, such as a main hall, yard, or veranda, to converse and enjoy light refreshments while children played games like hide and seek under the watchful eye of their elders. Back then, people had the luxury of time to truly listen to each other and offer support when needed, fostering a sense of solidarity that is less prevalent in modern times.

But the advent of smartphones and other digital devices in the age of artificial intelligence has not only impacted the communication and information consumption but also has resulted in changes in human behaviour, such as a decreased ability to wait and listen to others. Smartphones provide many distractions, such as notifications and social media, which have contributed to shorter and quicker exchanges. This culture of impatience caused in a reduced value placed on waiting for responses and actively listening to others.

Listening is a fundamental human skill that plays a crucial role in our everyday lives. From intimate conversations with loved ones to professional interactions in the workplace, effective listening can foster meaningful connections, build trust, and enhance relationships. It goes beyond simply hearing words, but rather involves actively engaging with the speaker and comprehending their message at multiple levels. In this article, we will explore the psychological value of active listening, including its impact on communication, empathy, and overall well-being. But before that we will try to focus on what exactly active listening is and how it should be practically.

Illustrating Active Listening:

Active listening is of utmost importance, as without daily practice, we may find ourselves unable to truly lend our ears when someone is in need. As a counsellor and life coach, I recognize the significance of actively listening, and I consciously make an effort to cultivate this skill on a daily basis. Active listening is not something that can be infused into our veins or minds instantly; rather, it requires intentional practice.

In the following discussion, I will present ten components of active listening, each accompanied by an example. In this scenario, there are two individuals involved: Person 1, who seeks support for anxiety and stress, and Person 2, a professional who provides support through active listening.

Following are those illustrations:

1. Paying attention: 

Paying attention refers to the conscious act of directing one's focus, concentration, and cognitive resources towards the person concerned.

Person 1: "I've been feeling incredibly anxious and stressed lately. It's affecting my daily life, and I don't know how to cope."

Person 2: (Maintains eye contact, focuses) "I'm here for you, and I want to understand your experience with anxiety and stress. Please feel free to share more."

2. Showing interest: 

Showing interest refers to demonstrating genuine curiosity, engagement, and attentiveness towards a person or a particular subject.

Person 1: "I constantly worry about things, and it's exhausting. I'm having trouble sleeping, and my concentration is suffering."

Person 2: "Thank you for opening up about your worries and the impact they're having on your sleep and concentration. Your well-being is important to me, and I'm here to support you."

3. Paraphrasing: 

Paraphrasing while listening refers to the practice of restating or summarizing the speaker's message in your own words to confirm your understanding and show active engagement.

Person 1: "It feels like my mind is always racing, and I can't seem to calm down. The smallest things trigger my anxiety."

Person 2: "If I understand correctly, you're describing racing thoughts and an inability to calm down, with anxiety being triggered by even minor things. Is that an accurate summary?"

4. Reflecting feelings: 

Reflecting feelings is a communication technique used in active listening to acknowledge and validate the emotions expressed by the speaker.

Person 1: "Yes, exactly! It's overwhelming, and I feel like I'm constantly on edge. I just want some relief."

Person 2: "I can sense how overwhelming and exhausting it is to constantly feel on edge due to anxiety. Your desire for relief is completely understandable."

5. Clarifying: 

Clarifying in listening refers to seeking additional information or further understanding of a speaker's message or statement.

Person 1: "It's not just the anxiety; I also experience physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath. It's scary."

Person 2: "Thank you for sharing that. So, you're experiencing physical symptoms such as a rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath along with the anxiety. It's important to address both the emotional and physical aspects. Am I understanding correctly?"

6. Providing feedback: 

Providing feedback in the context of listening involves offering constructive input or response to the speaker's message or communication.

Person 1: "Yes, that's right. I'm seeking strategies to manage my anxiety better and regain control over my life."

Person 2: "I appreciate your openness. It's positive that you're seeking instructions and strategies to manage your anxiety effectively. Together, we can explore various ways to help you regain control and find balance."

7. Avoiding judgment and interrupting: 

Avoiding judgment means refraining from forming premature opinions, evaluations, or assumptions about the speaker or their message. And interrupting refers to cutting off the speaker while they are still talking, thereby hindering their ability to fully convey their message.

Person 1: "Sometimes, I feel like my anxiety is irrational, and it frustrates me."

Person 2: (Avoids interrupting, refrains from judgment) "It's common to have those thoughts when dealing with anxiety. Remember that your feelings are valid, and we'll work through them together."

8. Nonverbal cues: 

Nonverbal cues are the communication signals that are conveyed without the use of words. They include various forms of body language, facial expressions, gestures, posture, tone of voice, and eye contact. Nonverbal cues play a significant role in interpersonal communication and can often convey emotions, attitudes, intentions, and other subtle messages that complement or contradict verbal communication.

Person 1: "Thank you for listening attentively. It feels good to have someone understand what I'm going through."

Person 2: (Maintains eye contact, nods, and offers a reassuring smile) "You're welcome. It's my role to listen and support you throughout this process. Your experience matters, and I'm here for you."

9. Empathy: 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, perspectives, and experiences of others. It involves the capacity to put oneself in someone else's shoes, to imagine and comprehend their emotions and thoughts. Empathy goes beyond sympathy or feeling sorry for someone; it encompasses a deeper level of emotional connection and understanding.

Person 1: "I've been struggling with this for a while, and it's been hard to talk about. I sometimes feel ashamed."

Person 2: "I can imagine how challenging it must be to discuss these struggles, and it takes courage to open up. Please know that there's no shame in seeking help. You're taking positive steps towards your well-being."

10. Patience: 

Patience refers to the ability to remain calm, composed, and tolerant in the face of challenges, delays, or difficulties. It involves exercising self-control and maintaining a positive attitude while listening to the person in need.

Person 1: "Thank you for creating a safe space for me to share. I appreciate your patience and understanding."

Person 2: "You're welcome. Providing a safe and non-judgmental environment is essential for our work together.

Psychological values of Active listening:

Active listening encompasses several psychological values that can positively impact individuals and motivate everyone to be an active listener. Let’s check them one after the other…

1. Increased Emotional Intelligence: Active listening enhances emotional intelligence by promoting self-awareness and empathy. It helps individuals attune to their own emotions and the emotions of others, leading to better understanding, management, and regulation of emotions. This heightened emotional intelligence contributes to better relationships, effective communication, and overall psychological well-being.
2. Validation and Sense of Belonging: Active listening provides validation and a sense of belonging to the speaker. When someone feels truly heard and understood, it validates their experiences, thoughts, and emotions, fostering a sense of acceptance and connection. This validation can boost self-esteem, reduce feelings of isolation, and promote psychological well-being.
3. Improved Trust and Rapport: Active listening builds trust and rapport between individuals. When someone feels actively listened to, it strengthens the bond of trust and promotes a sense of safety and openness. This trust facilitates deeper and more meaningful connections, allowing individuals to share their thoughts and emotions more freely.
4. Enhanced Problem Solving and Decision Making: Active listening improves problem-solving and decision-making abilities, especially in a workplace scenario. By fully understanding the speaker's perspective, active listeners gain valuable insights and can make more informed decisions. Active listening also encourages collaborative problem-solving, as it allows for a deeper exploration of ideas and encourages diverse viewpoints.
5. Reduced Stress and Conflict: Active listening helps reduce stress and conflict. By actively attending to the speaker's concerns, active listeners provide a supportive environment where individuals can express their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. This reduces tension, promotes a sense of relief, and facilitates the resolution of conflicts.
6. Empowerment and Self-Expression: Active listening empowers individuals to express themselves fully and authentically. When someone feels genuinely heard, it validates their voice and encourages them to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs more assertively. This empowerment enhances self-confidence, assertiveness, and overall psychological well-being.
7. Increased Resilience and Coping Skills: Active listening contributes to resilience and improved coping skills. By actively engaging with others and validating their experiences, individuals feel supported and better equipped to navigate challenges and adversities. Active listening can provide emotional comfort, guidance, and perspective, promoting effective coping strategies.

Conclusive Thoughts on Active Listening:

In our daily lives, we often encounter individuals who are going through various challenges and are in desperate need of someone to lend them a listening ear. While professional counsellors may not be readily available everywhere we go, each of us has the capacity to be a good listener and offer support. A Bible verse from James 5:19 comes to mind, which says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

This verse highlights three essential aspects of effective listening:

1. Quick to Listen: It involves actively retrieving information, deciphering the underlying message of the person in need, and striving to understand their heartfelt concerns.
2. Slow to Speak: Rather than interjecting with suggestions, instructions, or advice, it is crucial to provide ample space for the person to express themselves and share more about their situation.
3. Slow to Become Angry: Instead of hastily making judgments or arriving at conclusions, responding with empathy is vital. By not acting solely on instinct, we can demonstrate understanding and compassion.

By adhering to these three simple aspects, we can provide meaningful support to those we encounter regularly in our daily lives. Remember, being a good listener can make a significant difference in someone's life, and it starts with the willingness to lend an empathetic ear.

Stay Blessed!

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