...everywhere, this is no time to stand and stare". Or better still, the lines doing poetic justice to the eulogy on the cockroaches, if ever written, could go like:

"Roaches, roaches, many in sight- the one on the left,

red and bright, is it turning right?".

Irritated am I, you may ask - by the sight of some, or am I being poetic,

Nothing of those, just overwhelmed am I, by the fight pathetic.

Well, cockroaches have been topmost on my mind these days, after once I woke up at midnight to the sight of a large congregation having a ball in the kitchen- near the stove, oven, here, there, everywhere. A clandestine meeting of urban naxals in an urban household kitchen. Not the larger of their kind, but the smaller ones- made with German technology, hence named so- the “German” cockroaches. Not that I fear them, but most of us would agree - their disgusting appearance, and the silent health hazard they pose make cockroaches the perfect villains. Despite that, for generations, men used to derive pleasure in the fact that women fear roaches the most. As the joke goes, men are brave too, until the cockroaches start flying. As per folklore, they are flown to face a certain death, perhaps by inviting the attention of lizards. But again- talking of lizards spotted sometimes in my home, they were driven away on priority, useless as they are, since roaches’ figure the least in their elite dietary preferences.

So, it is time for the lone wolf to pick up the arms and wage a war against the pesky pests, am forced to. And the best weapon against them is not a repellent spray- they are meant for you so that you dare not venture again into the areas you apply them to.

Now as a detour, consider this maths question asked in a competitive exam- on a 25-metre pole installed on the ground, a cockroach starts from top, downwards at a certain constant speed, and another one, from bottom, upwards, at half that speed. At what place in the pole would the roaches meet? For the mathematically lesser inclined souls like me, the answer would be to pick up a slipper and smash them at their respective places. Which means they will never meet, except in the heavens above. That makes for a one-stop solution for both the question (though it is an unlikely option) and the pest problem at hand. Slippers and broomsticks make for good weapons against the roaches.

Anyways, when it comes to agility, the general perception is that the Cheetah makes the cut, but to me, a cockroach wins the race any day. The reason is that we frequently come across them and would prefer not to come across a Cheetah in our lifetime. So, let me call upon stage, the winners! Come on roaches, don’t fear or try to hide, claim your prize- a pair of slippers!

Anyways. Yes, agility! As per recorded observations, roaches are capable of changing directions 25 times per second on the run!! By that measure, nothing is as quirky a creature as a Cockroach. By saying that, I mean to include Srini, my ex-colleague, in the classification- since he comes close to being a cockroach when it comes to changing decisions. Strikingly, for all the team members, Srini also used to stir the same emotions that people (specifically those who reject the idea of roaches as a delicacy) personally feel, on being confronted with a cockroach. That is, without making any further movement, look out for a slipper with an eye on the roach.

The most astounding fact about the roaches is that they show cannibalistic tendencies in the absence of food. A fact claimed to be used well by pest control. The pesticide kills some, others eat them and are killed in turn, and the chain continues, killing many in a cascaded fashion. So, you may as well imagine how a conversation between two cannibal roaches Tim and Srini may go-

Tim: Nothing to eat today. The house lady is a cleanliness freak, I must say.

Srini: Ya, we are helpless too Tim! Hey, look behind- there comes your wife!

Tim was never heard of subsequently, while Srini as always, appeared well-fed to me.

The nasty pests, am sure are welcome only in the "Oggy and the Cockroaches" cartoons. Except, of course, if your household loves trying out recipes involving roaches. Now sample a mother in her kitchen asking her kids if they can bring some from the grocery store to make up for the shortfall in preparing the evening snacks - "Not needed, Mom- there are a few I spotted in my bedroom, will bring them!". Well, err... pardon me for that crude reference, but jokes aside, initially I was in disbelief too. Until someone sent me a video on roach farming somewhere in the world, It took me several days to muster up courage before I finally saw it, and after I removed that video, few more days to get over the weird feeling.

So, what use could the creepy cockroaches be to mankind? Seems none, except for a few researchers from a university, where they draw inspiration from the roaches to draw upon a prototype for an ultra-lean robot. The robots could assist humans in evacuating people from the rubble after an earthquake, by sneaking deep inside and reporting vital sightings of people trapped. So, they carry some significance- for they can intrude through even the tiniest spaces that seem impenetrable. Scientists need all appreciation, for they could visualize taking roaches as a reference, to innovate something, which for us ordinary slipper-wielding, mathematically challenged people, was unthinkable.

The scientific breakthrough may happen for useful robots to come up someday, but for dealing with entomological creatures, it is better to stick - to a slipper or a broomstick. So, after several nights of battling the army of roaches at the stroke of midnight hour, I thought I had won the freedom, but alas, far from it; for I noticed many more sooner- before the Hitler in me took over, signaling that the battle is far from over.

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