How are you doing? I am fine.

How is everything? it is fine.

How are things? It is okay.

How often do we hear "I am fine" or "it is okay".

It becomes a cursory question and then we get an ordinary answer.

We do not venture further. We just want to hear that everything is fine.

But as they say, scratch the surface and then you get to know the reality. Reality is people really "fine" or are they hiding behind the facade of "fineness."

People need help. They themselves are not aware that they are in need of help. They just go on with life as it is. They are down in the dumps and they need a helping hand which can lift them up from the dumps. They are in a phase of life in which they are stuck and need a nudge or a gentle push to move forward conveniently.

Unknown reasons stop them from asking for help. Usually, when people need help, they refrain from asking for help. Asking for help is considered a sign of vulnerability or weakness. It is true to an extent as people scorn you or consider you less capable if you say that you need help. People are more dependent on gadgets, and more trusting of virtual friends or other addictions to forget about issues that are hindering their progress in life. They will remain in denial. They will prefer to suffer rather than ask for help.

Asking for help is also difficult. From a young age, we are taught to be self-reliant and not in need any sort of help. To an extent, our own ego plays a big role in showing our limitations in front of others. People refrain from taking any advice from others thinking that they can themselves solve all their issues.

All this hollow "fine " results in unresolved mental health issues like:

Depression. Depression is a dark abyss which sucks you inside it and never allows you to come out of it.

Frustration. Frustration is something like irritability. You are frustrated because of small situations. For example; a simple act of not able to open a bottle cap sets you off.

Anxiety. Anxiety is a state of mind in which the mind has unreasonable fear or dread, of maybe facing an audience, public speaking or just being in the presence of others.

Anger issues. These may be violent and dangerous as it can cause harm to self or others.

Crying. Crying for small trivial things.

Overthinking. Overthinking is bad for self as well as people around us.

Emotional health is affected. Emotional well being is very important. The emotional impact of unresolved mental health is very dangerous and unhealthy for the mind, body and soul.

People, regardless of their age are going through this “I am fine” phase. As mentioned above, they are afraid to approach others for help.

They are afraid of many things. Foremost being the fear of being judged and the fear of non-acceptance. People are afraid of being judged. They don’t want to be judged. Society has written down some strict norms and people usually stick to these norms. A fraction here and there results in non-acceptance

They fear that the issues they are facing will be trivialised or laughed at.

They do not believe that others are willing to listen to them.

How can we help such people? Or the better question is what lies “beyond I am fine” it is an important question to be asked when someone very casually says the “fine” word. What is “beyond Fine.” If we are able to crack the “beyond fine” question, then we will be able to perhaps save lives and empower people to feel confident and validated.

Of course, we cannot help them unless they are ready for our help. Also, it is not easy to help others when we ourselves are not in a state to help them. Efforts can be or should be made purely because we are humans and we have a head as well as a heart. We can communicate well and have the capacity to understand human emotions. Lastly, because you genuinely care about someone.

Asking someone how they are doing is the first step. The answer will always be "I am fine" or "Everything is fine" but let it not be just a customary question that you ask and when you get the “fine” answer be happy with it and move on.

We as fellow human beings can be on the lookout for signs in people being upset or hurt. That underlying feeling of frustration or helplessness which many feel. There are many tell-tale signs.

Be on the lookout for

Sudden loss of communication. Be super worried if a person stops communicating with you or others.

Loss of interest in doing things which otherwise interested them

Crying unreasonably. A jovial person if starts crying for trivial stuff it is a sure sign of something being out of order.

Laziness. If a relatively active person is being lazy and does not want to involve in the daily activities of life then it is a matter of concern.

Mood swings. Sudden mood swings. Blowing hot and cold.

Sleep difficulties. If someone is having sleep issues then something is definitely bothering them.

Loss of appetite. Loss of appetite leads to loss of energy. Less energy will lead to less enthusiasm and low levels of creativity.

The list is endless.

After identifying the signs of “not being fine” in a person, the next best thing to do is build trust. Make the other person believe that no matter what, they can share their feelings or emotions with them. Give them the confidence that they will not be judged or laughed at. Make them believe in themselves first. Build their trust. Be kind and empathetic towards their feelings.

Listen to them. Half the problem is solved, if the aggrieved party knows that someone is ready to listen to them. Because sometimes they just want a listening ear. They want to just verbalize their feelings. No need to give any advice or solution to their problems or issues that are troubling them. Just be patient and listen to them patiently. Sometimes, when people verbalize their issues, they themselves realize how trivial the matter is and they are just getting agitated or they find solutions.

Show kindness. Show them empathy. As someone has famously said, “In a world where you can be anything try to be a bit kind.” Kindness acts as a balm for scarred souls

Let them cry if they want to. Crying is something akin to venting out your traumatic heart out. Crying helps in lessening the burden of the heart. When people cry they let go of their inner trauma and feel lighter. It is sort of venting out exercise for the mind and heart to feel lighter.

Make them understand that showing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of bravery. Bravery for sure as they are ready to embrace their vulnerabilities.

Above all give them the confidence that someone is there for them. To not judge them. To accept them.

These are, but a few steps that can be taken to handle a “beyond I am fine” situation. Don’t hold back. Reach out to people. Never forget that humans need humans to survive. We can be best friends with our fellow humans if we are kind, empathetic, non-judgemental and ready to accept others for themselves rather than how we want them to be.

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