Just had a bath and am typing this self-assessment to keep up my fading sanity.
I have a few questions before moving on, and this whole document will be about answering these simple yet profound questions which I dare to ask instead of regretting the moment I am currently living.
- Why am I regretting my haircut?
- Why should I care about it? Why should I look good? Always.
- What does it mean to me and those around me, in other words, who am I trying to impress?
- How did my hairstyle come to decide who I am?
- Is it really worth it, the money, the time, and the attention it gets from me?
Let us get through these questions one by one, maybe I would get better after answering them.
The haircut I have right now is kinda good but not what I had in mind before getting it. Now, with the last sentence, it's fair to say that I am sad because my expectations were too high. But..Wait! As I am dealing with my expectations here, I am harming myself. What others except, I can't be sure. But, as per the present trend, the longer the hair, the better the overall presence. Hold on! Krushik Gowda, the one with whom I had a haircut was feeling not Ok cause his hair was a bit longer. What I am sure about, is that we judge ourselves but we fail to weigh our judgment on a much larger scale. Everyone wants to look good, but not everyone can. That’s the reality. Some are good-looking not merely because they are good-looking by birth, but because of the average-looking people around them. Being on an average scale is kinda peace when you don’t attempt to step up the ladder built by society. Being happy at where we are is eternal. But, what about the ambitions and great destiny that awaits us? Why can’t I be better? Why should I stay average? These questions pose a threat to my current analysis. What am I to do here? Justify my older statement or think according to current societal constructs? Wait! I have an idea. The chaos theory. No, it won’t help here. Simply put, we have to strive for greatness if we think we deserve it, not overestimate ourselves. But, how do I know if I deserve it? Maybe, I am different from others. In what way? Maybe, people think I am weird, that I have done and am doing something that others think is out of their normal area of expertise. Well everyone is different in some way. Some can play with their facial muscles, some can bring the voices of birds, and some can even catch a fly out of thin air. Aren’t we all different in some way? I think we are. It's just that some happen to show their talent while others are afraid of it. Wait! Is it about courage? The courage to showcase their talents? I think it is. Fortune favors the brave! This may be my epic conclusion on what makes someone different. Its bravery, its courage, it is the ability to try and mark a point in the chaotic world. Right now, I am far away from the initial question I set out to answer. Why regret my haircut? I don’t have the necessary confidence in my talents and I am folly enough to rely on the hair to make me stand firm against others. I am happy with this conclusion. Thanking myself before moving on to the next question.
Why should I look good always? Part of the answer is the last one. I don’t have enough courage or any courage at all to show my face and am relying on my hair to present me in a conforming way.
Looking good is necessary. It boosts our confidence, but as I said most people are not good-looking. As per my simple observation, as we grow older we try to adore ourselves in a way our parents did when we were children. I think the reason for this silly gesture is continuous exposure to the mirror. How can we hate something that belongs to us, stay with us, and define us? By the way, the rules for looking good are many times defined by society or a cultural trend. The men with short side hair and long middle hair are so ordinary that the opposite is always marked as queer and laugh-worthy. What if I were to roam the college like that, with the seventies look wearing a bell-bottom pant and a loose shirt? People would laugh at me, take my photos and announce to the world that they have seen a mad man. But, none would contribute their mind to think about me as someone who is breaking rules or making his own rules. We say we have free will but I think not. We are limited in our options and these options to are implemented in a structured way, being careful not to deviate from the main course of the cultural trend. So, that’s it. I have to look good because I am being influenced by society, I am being bent by the norms of normal men, to be like them. A thin man among the fatsos is the one whose looked after. Sometimes there are no absolutes, all that happens stays in intersubjective opinions that change with time.
Who am I trying to impress? Got plenty if I have to be honest. I am in a dance group and I need to touch and dance with a female. A female human can have an ununderstandable influence on a male human. It's not new but a genetically derived phenomenon. The DNA is trying to make every human try to find a mate in each other while memes such as the ideas of friendship, sisterhood, and motherhood are putting a complete stop. I think I don’t need a mate who decides things on hairstyle, but, what about me? Would I do the same? Not judge them on looks? Looks are momentary and they can be deceiving. I also know that continuous exposure to bad[face] may make it seem reasonable. As per my current judgment, most good-looking people are dumb. Why can’t I think about it there and then?
When I say dumb, I mean, incurious about the world they live in. The only to find out who is dumb and who is curious is by posing a question about the universe. The one who isn’t curious won’t stand a chance on my best-human list. What if they are good human beings without curiosity? Like Monday and Tuesday and Shivam? I don’t understand this. This makes me classify people into three types which I deem to be broad enough to include all. The curious, the caring, and the narcissists. The curious won’t care for others while keeping in mind not to discriminate against anyone. Caring care for others no matter what. Narcissists are selfish, cynics in the modern term.
There it is. If I have to find someone, I think I find someone who is both curious and caring. Until then, I better keep my bad hairstyle.
How did my hairstyle come to decide who I am? Pretty simple, I am relying on someone’s reaction over my face as a whole to judge who am I. It's easy to master complicated subjects such as Einstein’s Relativity, Time Dilation, and String Theory than to master my emotions as they flow like water let loose over a bald head. I now come to appreciate all those age-old yogis sitting under a fresh tree in the ice-cold Himalayan region to win over themselves. A Hairstyle that won’t stand the same for long as it grows as fast as insects in still water. So it is just a temporary phenomenon. All that matters is expectations of others' adornment. Don’t have them.
Is the attention worth it? I don't think so. I will from now on, eliminate the mirror from my room. I am feeling not to do it already. Why? I want to look at myself, judge myself, and justify myself as a good-looking guy. I am not. I am not. I am not. I am not. I am average. I am average and none of it matters. The one hundred and fifty rupees for the haircut weren't worth it, to be honest. Let me toss away the mirror out of my room. Let's see if there’ll be any change.
Now that I answered all of them, I need to keep in mind some points before moving out into the world.
- The ones with good hairstyles, which make them their show-off tool, have no other talent to expose or don’t have the courage to stand against the societal norms.
- I am regretting it because of my expectations.
- I don't need to look good. I am not good-looking.
- No need to impress the people in their current surroundings if they aren’t curious and caring at the same time.
- My hairstyle won’t define me, My curiosity does.
- The attention it gets isn’t worth it at all.