In airports we have seen proposals in churches, temples, and mosques, we have seen people gathered to worship their respective gods. But in hospitals, we see people praying for their loved ones and considering doctors as their gods.

My first experience...

I haven't graduated yet, still in the final year of my MBBS but still, I would like to share my first experience of encountering death in the ward. I was in my third year eighth semester that time and was having medicine postings. Last week of our postings we had the medicine ward leaving. It was on Thursday I had my ward leaving exam. I got a case of "Anemia", he was a 73-year-old male who was kept in HDU which is a High Dependency Unit where they keep patients who need extra attention 1 nurse for every 2 patients, unlike ICU where there is one nurse per patient.

So I took my case and the patient was very cooperative and compliant which was least expected in the case of a patient in the medicine ward unlike those in OBG and Surgery because, in medicine, patients are usually agitated as they are in pain most of the time. unlike other patients, he was very friendly with me and answered my all questions patiently and he treated me as his granddaughter. Usually, patients conceal their drinking and smoking habits, but he was very open to me and he trusted me to answer those questions and I appreciated it.

I took my case as he cooperated and tolerated me, and I thanked him for that. He had a daughter of probably 40 years; she was nearby and answered all my questions. so I thanked her also. After taking the case, I presented my case, and it went smoothly.

The Next day, that is, on Friday, on my way to the male medical ward, one of my friends came towards me running and informed me that my patient, whose case I took the previous day, went into cardiac failure and they were performing CPR. For a moment, I couldn't process anything, and my best friend, who was beside me, forbade me from going near him as I couldn't tolerate it. But me not listening to her dragged my feet towards him, and that's when a part of me was shattering to see him on his death bed, and outside was his daughter crying loudly, and I couldn't process anything. Before I knew it, my cheeks were stained with my tears. I ran from there and cried, sitting on a corner. He was the first patient with whom I interacted properly, and it landed in death, I couldn't handle it.

Later, he was declared dead due to Congestive Cardiac failure, which usually occurs in severe anemia. Other people, even the senior doctors, might think that he is old enough to die. But for me, it was my first experience, and on top of that, he was really a grandfather figure to me.

But being in this field, I should get used to it because in the future I have to declare the time of death, which is kind of a nightmare to a doctor, and trust me, they don't want that to happen and put their 100% into it to prevent death!

ACCEPTANCE...

We can't be in a death-free generation, so it is better to accept and move on. Especially for medical students going through clerkships, following up with patients creates a bond with them and helps with communication. Creating a bond with them and facing a death is always painful for us, but acknowledging what happened earlier is better, as later in our career it is our duty to explain what happened to the patient's attendant and console them. It is also important to disclose the information regarding the patient to the attendee cautiously and in a consoling way if he or she is suffering from a critical illness like malignancy and needs palliative care.

People think that the doctor's profession is all about surgeries and curing patients, but it's not only that! Doctors go through so much day to day, from thanking them for saving patients' lives to criticizing them for not saving them. But we doctors can't blame them for criticizing us; the least we can do is make them understand that we tried our best and it was not in our hands.

To conclude, I would like to conclude that in the future, when I become a doctor, I want to be mature enough to deal with grief and handle it with the utmost care. It is ok to grieve and mourn. Being a doctor doesn't stop you from letting out your emotions, but what matters is how you deal with them and how you overcome them.

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