There is a lot of difference between being lonely and living alone. Being lonely means not having any friends or relatives who care for you. It is not really necessary that a person living alone has to feel lonely. He/she might have someone to take care of, someone who is worried when the next morning the door of the single person is not opened. But being lonely is very pathetic. There is no one to wait for your arrival, no one to care whether you get up in the morning or die during the night. Unfortunately, Indian elders have the curse of undergoing both. Yes! 30% of Indian elders live alone and feel loneliness.

We Indians take a very proud view of our joint family system and the way we give respect to the elders. Whenever a person comes in contact with an elderly person, he bends down to touch his/her feet to show the respect. But is this all we do?

The print and E papers, magazines are flooded with the news of a man/woman who died alone in his/her house only to be found out by the neighbour after two or three days by the foul odour. Is this the way we treat our elders? To let them die alone, never bothered to ask them whether they need any medical or other help? Looks like the answer is a painful Yes!

This is not the end of it. The elders living alone or become easy prey for the anti-social elements. We often come across the news of elderly people being brutally murdered in their own house for the money or jewellery. Since no one to care for them or no one to take responsibility, these elderly become the easy target for thieves and murderers. They plan elaborately to execute such an act. These anti-social elements have 2 types of modus operandi. One is, In the name of domestic help, or a kind person they win over the elder’s trust. After studying the routine of the senior citizens, they rob and murder the person with such cruelty that on hearing the incident makes us shiver with fear and pain.

The other method is that, they silently observe the household, the visitors and other things. Here visitors do not mean a relative or a friend. But a milk man or a postman, persons delivering magazines or papers. They observe this to make sure that the time they decide to attack, is free of visitors and intruders. They perform the cruellest act on the defenceless elders when they least expect. In both the cases the target is lonely senior citizens.

Let us dwell into the subject, why in first place the elderly couple/single persons live all alone. In this fast-paced world, earning money is the first priority of all people. Earning money not for a living but for a luxurious life. Both husband and wife have to work, because they want a bigger car, a bigger house and bigger everything. I am not an MCP who says that wives should not go for a job. I just mentioned it as a criterion. Their earning place is somewhere far away from their parent’s house, so they decide to move away from their parents and let them live and die alone.

Before 50 years the problem of lonely elders was not prevalent at all. We all lived in the same house, the younger generation took care of the older, in return the elders took care of their grandchildren. It was a very nice arrangement benefiting all. The grand children experienced the unconditional love of their Dada, Dadi or Nana, Nani. We could not correctly calculate, when this system ceased to exist. From 2000 onwards suddenly the number of lonely living senior citizens started increasing, hence they became easy prey to evil doers.

With nostalgia I remember the days, when I used to listen to the fantastic stories told in a mystic voice by my Dadi. How many of 2020 kids have this opportunity? 20 years back, the grandparents were welcomed into the household just to take care of the grandchildren. But now, the day cares have taken their position. If you have a grand parent at home to take care of the child, it comes with some conditions.

1. The seniors might interfere with the daily routine advising not to do certain things. This might affect the ego of the next generation people.
2. They have to be taken care of. If they become sick, care is to be given. Not out of love, but may be not to make the neighbours wag their tongue.
3. Then comes the financial difficulties. If one of the grand parents is a pensioner, then no problem. If not, they need financial support. Which the next generation is very reluctant to do. All the money they earn goes to EMIs, so they are left with minimum amount.
4. The senior citizens might want to go on Teerth Yathra, in those days, the children will be unattended seeking the help of day care. Again, for this too financial help is needed.
5. And comes the eternal war of Sas bahu. Now a days no one has the time even to quarrel with the elders.

This generation is planning everything with more than 2 plans. Plan A and Plan B, Plan C and so on. After analysing all the above-said conditions and the benefit they gain out of this, they decide to put their children in the day care. Remember, decision is taken by calculating only the benefits. The love and duty towards parents are not at all considered as a criterion.

There is another huge factor causing the elders preferring to live alone. That is migration of their offsprings to foreign countries. When the parents were in the middle age, they took proud in saying that their son/daughter is settled in the US, Canada or any other foreign country. They even visited there to help for delivery, taking care of the baby. They held their head high by talking about the comforts and luxuries the foreign countries could provide. But as they become 70+, the rose-tinted glass falls off, and the real picture dawns on them. But then it is too late. Their sons/daughters have got citizenship of the country, their grand children have grown up to be a foreigner etc. Even if the parents beg their children to come and settle down in India, they simply refuse. I won’t blame those NRIs, because they have to take the mental and physical health of their offsprings too. It will be an emotional trauma on those foreign kids to change the country at teenage.

If one or more of the siblings is in abroad, and the others living in India has a very different mentality. They argue that, while my other siblings and their life partners are enjoying a liberated responsible free life in abroad, why me and my life partner should undergo the turmoil of taking care of an elder. Here the parents become someone to be loved and cared for change to unnecessary burden or responsibility.

So, earning money, settling in a foreign country, fast-paced life are the main three reasons for these elders to live alone and feel lonely. We cannot turn the earth backwards and make the time go back to olden days. The changes are inevitable. We must accept and move forward. What we can do really do is to try and make the best out of the situation. Let us see what could be done about this.

Elders squirm at the mention of old age home or a retirement community. They have a feeling that it is where the elders are left uncared for just to wait for their death. A place which would look like a slaughter house, ready to swallow their aspirations. The dark place where their hopes are all dead. This is the general picture of any old age home formed by the elders in their minds. Before we move on to change this opinion of the elders, we need to make sure that, the so called, retirement communities are really good.

If we take a survey, we find that there are only 2 types of retirement community in India. One is the charitable ones the NGOs run, who are really doing a good service. But here, the comforts and hygiene may be not that luxurious. Many people may not prefer living on charity.

The other one is like 7 stars hotel. These 7 stars retirement communities have the luxurious very hygienic environment, 24*7 medical care etc. But how many elders will be able to afford that?

That is another reason why, the senior citizens decide to live alone in a rented/own house where they are familiar with the neighbourhood. But least they know, those neighbours neither have time nor have the mindset to help them.

The fate of senior citizens is to die alone? Or to be murdered? If yes, then We all should be ashamed to say that we are Bharati. what is the solution for this? Let us think of some possibilities.

1. We need a retirement home between 7 stars and Dhaba. Like medium restaurants we need a retirement community, where the middle and upper middle can afford and stay with self-dignity. They can have assistance, hygiene affordability at one doorstep.
2. If such homes are developed, then the fear of retirement community will automatically go from the minds of the senior citizens. Once they start living as a community, the fate of dying alone and being lonely will be averted.
3. The third option is very farfetched and may seem greedy. I implore the neighbourhood people to take an interest in the senior citizens. Help them and socialize with them. Take a view that they are not aliens but they are the ones who lead their life with dignity. They may be slow because of their age, but not fools. They might forget, but not true that they cannot remember.
4. The fourth suggestion is almost impossible. I implore the Indians residing in India or abroad to think about their culture. Our culture is that, we care for the parents a lot. We come from the land of Sharavan Kumar. Just forgoing the ego and embracing the ancient culture could solve the problem of the loneliness of grandparents and the grandchildren.

Are we prepared to do this? Are we willing to take care of the parents who took care of us in our childhood? If not, at least we can build a retirement community with luxury and care in an affordable price. Let us all join hands together to prevent lonely deaths and lonely life of our parents, grandparents and relatives. 

.    .    .