The time was 11:48,
when the clocks found me again.
all my recollections here,
sliced through my veins,
like the salt in the sea,
it became a part of me.
but without you here,
it’s too heavy to carry them.
but I’m still doing it, all alone,
for 18 years and maybe 18 more,

Today’s recollection is about the trains.
my silly obsession to come to the station,
and not ready to go home, until I see,
the big X painted in yellow,
behind every train that comes and goes.

But today it’s not about that.
This is about the time,
When I was only three,
not knowing how it all would be.
maybe that’s why I didn’t cherish it enough,
because nobody told me this would be gone,
in a single puff.
nobody told me the sky was so blue,
like the feeling when I knew,
your heart stopped beating so soon.

We were in the station,
You wore a dress as red as, your love for me.
You hold my hand, point out all the things,
for me to see.
I saw daddy, coming back to us
was it after months?
I never knew, I was just happy
kicked off my shoe,
to the other side of the track,
because my dad was finally back.
It all happened so fast.
like the plane that will eventually,
take him away from me.
but I was only three,
so, I never knew

The year is 2023
Now I’m not anymore, barely 3
but barely making it through the 20s
I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay
Because I don’t know what happened
to my other shoe? Did we get it back?
Did we take a taxi or walked home?
I was only three, so,
I’ll never really know.

Flash forward to that evening.
A lady in a red dress just like you,
with a little kid, who I saw myself in.
fingers wrapped around her hands,
like a cocoon.
I was standing alone, no one to hold on to,
when I was trapped in this eerie déjà vu.
There was nothing else, for me to do.

Except to walk away, like I never wished,

I was the one who would hold hands.
and the one I would hold on to,
one day, or someday,
Will be you.
Just like the time when,
I was only three.

.    .    .