The yellow, red, blue, white, pink, and purple lights lined the area's streets, houses, and buildings. As the New Year neared, so did the party festivities and the euphoric feeling in children, teenagers, and adults alike. Wherever Tara walked, she could see the twinkling lights, which made her empty heart feel heavy with grief. She often tried to bury the emotions so deep inside her chest that she couldn't differentiate sorrow from joy. It made her feel like she could do anything and that no one could hurt her. But somehow, these glistening little bulbs brought out the painful memories, which were the reason for an overwhelming sense of comfort at some point.
It was enchanting, that a year ago these little lights brought a feeling of home with them, but now they just opened a gate flooded with memories. No matter how much Tara wished to stay afloat, she knew there were barely a few moments left before she was submerged in the water. She realized she was not afraid of drowning but was terrified of the beautiful memories turning into a haunting nightmare, and she prayed she could wake up from it. Unfortunately, reality doesn't work that way, and neither does fate. People try to escape their fate and destiny, but they always find their way back.
It is a cruel world to live in; the little girl didn't know this ten years ago, but now she is a 27-year-old woman and is expected to understand the harsh reality and accept whatever is thrown her way. She recognized the importance of a reality check every once in a while, but as of late, the thread between reality and illusion has been dissolved, and the world seems nothing but a hazy blur. Many would think that alcohol does this, and it is true; it blurs the lines between reality and a world full of imagery. But if only the blur in Tara's life was created by alcohol intoxication, it would have meant that once sober, she would have it under control. That not being the case, the difference between her mind's tricks and reality is difficult to fathom.
She sat down on a bench in the park, not far from where she had been living for 7 months. After being overcome with so many strong emotions at once, she found it difficult to breathe. Living in a different city had been easier because it wasn't every day that it reminded her of home, though today the universe seemed to remind her of the things she had left behind. She shut her eyes tight and took a few deep breaths. As her breathing got under control, she opened her eyes and stared at the sky, tilting her head upwards. The stars could not be seen in the bustling city at night, and the decorative twinkling lights reduced the possibility of seeing a single star.
She moved her eyes around the area, filled with unshed tears she tried hard to control but knew she had no power to do so. She pinched her nose and inhaled deeply to not let the waterworks flow. She wished and prayed she didn't cry, because once she started, she knew she wouldn't be able to stop.
She closed her eyes and couldn't stop herself from reminiscing about the way, two years ago, colorful twinkling lights had made her feel excited about being home after five months away.
As soon as she rang the doorbell, she felt excitement bubble inside her like a child surprising her family. She was so thrilled to see their faces that when no one opened the door in a few seconds, she rang the doorbell again and started jumping on the spot in uncontainable exhilaration. She could hear chatter from behind the door, which was opened half a minute later. She shouted as soon as the door opened, and her brother yelled, jumping an inch, bringing his hand to his chest to calm his heartbeat. She started laughing, and Arsh, her brother, looked surprised to see her, and he gestured for Tara to be silent by putting a finger on his lips.
Then he called inside the house, "Maa, someone is asking for you."
Amita, her mother, came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel, and mouthed, 'why couldn't you just handle it on your own?' He just motioned for her to come forward. As soon as she could see the view outside the door, she stopped walking and froze in place. Tara walked towards her, grinning widely, and hugged her tightly. After a few minutes, when she pulled away from the hug, Tara saw that her mother had tears in her eyes and hit her lightly on the shoulder, saying, "You told me you couldn't come home. Do you want to give your mother a heart attack at this age?" She scolded, scrunching her eyebrows in an attempt to look angry, but both Tara and Arsh were aware that she was just trying to bring her emotions under control, and immense joy was visible in her eyes.
Tara had talked to Amita when she was in the cab on the way from the airport to her house, and her mother had asked her for the 17th time if she would be able to come home for Diwali. Once more, Tara had to make her understand that she wouldn't be able to come home as her leaves had been turned down. This resulted in her mother getting emotional, and Tara almost spilled that she was on her way home, but stopped herself to see the happiness sparkling on her face when she surprised them. Now that she was here, every pore in her body filled with joy and love, and she found her surprise to be very delightful.
She then went inside to see Manav, her father, who was sitting in the living room watching the news on television. She hugged him from behind. He turned towards her, and the smile that split his face filled her soul with ultimate happiness. He embraced her in a tight hug, and she felt right at home in his arms. They talked for a long time with his hand on her shoulder, which she didn't mind at all. They talked about last night's cricket match, her friends, and her job while their favorite songs from the 1990s played in the background. She had missed having these talks with her father; it just wasn't the same on the phone or via video chat.
Then Amita called them for dinner. The table was set with poori and rajma rice, which everybody in the house preferred over chole rice, along with boondi raita and deep-fried papad. Amita constantly complained that if she had known earlier that Tara was coming home, then she would've prepared her favorite food, and Tara cheered her up by saying that she had plenty of time to prepare the food she liked as she was staying for more than a week. Tara and Arsh fought for the glass filled with more raita. Their father and mother couldn't help but smile over the banter, missing this kind of normalcy. Everything fell into place.
After dinner, everyone helped in the kitchen and then sat together in the living room to play a round of cards. There was laughter, anger, annoyance, cheating, and chastising.
The atmosphere shifted drastically as they were going to their rooms when Manav felt a tightness in his chest, which he misconstrued as acidity after such lavish, oily food. Everyone got ready to sleep after their nightly routines. Manav is a dentist, so he has been adamant about the kids brushing their teeth before going to bed. They were about to lie down on their beds when Tara and Arsh heard their mother's shout and ran to their room.
Tara entered the room first and saw her father's feet touching the floor with slippers still on and a glass lying beside his feet with the water spilled on the floor; the top half of his body lay on the bed as if he had been sitting just a few seconds ago. Amita hovered over Manav and tried to shake him awake. Arsh ran in behind her and saw the whole scenario. He shivered as if feeling cold. Tara went towards her mother and tried to feel Manav's pulse while simultaneously telling Arsh to call the ambulance. She assured her mother that everything would be okay. She stayed oddly calm on the outside when her insides were in turmoil. She understood that she had to be strong for her mother and her younger brother. She brought a wet towel from the bathroom and put it on her father's forehead to cool down his warm body.
The ambulance arrived a few minutes later, and the medics rushed in behind Arsh. Everything happened in slow motion, but too quickly to comprehend as the medics approached Manav and placed him on a stretcher to transport him to the ambulance. As soon as Manav was inside the ambulance with Amita rushing behind him, reality kicked in, and Tara rushed inside their home to take the key to their car and motioned for Arsh to follow her as she locked the front door of the house behind them. Then they sat inside the car, and Tara rushed towards the nearest hospital. Arsh, as the baby of the family, was not in a fully sound mind to comprehend what was going on. So, Tara had to be the stronger one of the two.
They found their mother sitting outside the OT and rushed toward her. They found out that it was a heart attack, and the doctors were performing an angioplasty. It took an hour for the doctors to come out of the surgery room to inform them about the patient's health status.
"The surgery has been performed successfully, and he is stable now. We will monitor him for the next 48 hours to avoid any complications later on." The surgeon said, "He will be moved to a room after 10 minutes, and though he is unconscious at the moment, you can go inside." Tara nodded to what he said and thanked him. He smiled and went away.
They had to wait a little longer than 10 minutes, but soon they were able to see him and be near him, which was what they needed then. All three of them rushed towards him and felt relieved after seeing him lying on the bed looking peaceful. After half an hour of consoling Amita to stop crying and hugging Arsh to stop his shaking body, they were told to move out of the room and that they could come back tomorrow morning.
Tara decided to stay with her father after a lot of convincing. She had dropped her mother and brother home and made sure that they were in bed to sleep, tucking them in the same bed as they couldn't sleep separately. Then she hurried to the hospital, went inside his room, checked on him, and slept on the sofa in the corner.
Manav had woken up at 6 in the morning, and his coughing woke up Tara, who brought a glass of water for him. He talked to her a little, and then around 6:30, Amita and Arsh reached there by cab. They couldn't stay away from the hospital any longer. He was being monitored and had been stable for 29 hours. He was talking to them and joking when a laughing fit suddenly led to his heartbeat increasing and the heart monitor beeping loudly, as the nurses rushed in, moving the three of them out of the room.
That was the end of a lot of things for the small family. They had never imagined something like this could happen. Forty minutes later, they were told that the doctors were trying to control the blood pressure, but it was spiking. After an hour of agonizingly long waiting, they heard the two words that they never wished to hear from the doctor's mouth.
"I'm sorry"
These are the words that no one wishes to hear from a doctor in their lifetime, especially regarding their loved ones. Any words after that were a blur, and their world crumbled right before their eyes. Tara heard a loud wail beside her but couldn't stop the numbing buzz in her ears. She couldn't move a muscle; it was like she was not feeling any of the emotions. She was numb from the inside, separate from her feelings. She tried to move her hand to comfort Arsh, who was standing in shock beside her, his fingers twitching every few seconds, but it was difficult. It felt like her arms weighed 50 kilos and kept her in place. After a little struggle, she forced her arm to move for her family's sanity and put an arm around Arsh, moving towards their mother, who had fallen on the floor in her haste.
She does not remember much after that, and it is a hazy memory that she doesn't like to revisit often. She didn't realize that tears were flowing down her cheeks, but the stinging cold reminded her, and she wiped them.
This memory provided her with the clarity that she had hoped for earlier. She had not talked to her mother since the seven months she had left behind. She thought this was what she needed, but now that she had a clear mind, she knew that it was a lapse of judgment on her part. She left her family behind in their time of need. She had stayed there for a month, but she felt overwhelmed and got out the day she could, finding her way here. Deep down, she knew she had to be there for them; she just couldn't bring herself to do so. She needed time to grieve, and now that she'd done that, she knew it was time to be there for her family, to be the strong one.
The colorful lights in front of her reminded her of everything she has been missing since she moved here and how much she has been suppressing her true feelings so as not to feel too much. She realized that sometimes it is okay to feel pain and cry because these are just as valid emotions as the happiness and excitement she felt, which she has been deprived of for a long time.
She took out her phone and dialed the number she should have called long ago. It's better late than never. It read 'Maa'. Amita answered on the second ring, "Hi bacha".
Tara missed her voice more than she could understand. A few tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wiped them before smiling and saying, "Hey maa! I missed you. I'm sorry."
"Arey baby it's okay. You are fine, that's all that matters." Amita consoled, and the smile was visible in her voice.
"I love you maa"
I love you baby"
They talked for a long time, hearts filled with love, sorrow, sadness, and hope in their voices. This interaction made their relationship even stronger and brought them together in ways they couldn't comprehend. Tara felt so much hope for her future, and that couldn't have happened without the love of her mother.
A mother is a lifeboat that every child needs in their life, and lucky are those people who have that. It doesn't matter what the age of their child is; just the love and guidance of their mother are enough to make the future hopeful and fill the heart with love and compassion.
Even though Tara was not okay now, she knew that they would be all right together. Even though the future didn't look as bright, it didn't look as dark and horrid either. The lights had yet again proven to wash away the darkness.