"I will do this" I said when I was in 10th grade.
"I can pull this off" I said when I gave my 12th
"I will do it again and succeed" I said when I missed my entrance.
"I did it" I said, seeing my first year results.
The same inner voice which was my positive force,
was stunned to see the two lines on the stick.
Delusion, confusion, dilemma, I don't know the state that my mind skipped.
My vision blurred and I had to sit down.
I stared at the walls as the tears poured down.
I can't talk to my mom, who thinks depression is a sin.
Neither to my dad, who thinks prayers give answers.
Don't want to talk to the man who freaks out about commitments
My only last hope was left in the hands of doctors.
I was a woman confused about my future and life.
She saw a 20-year-old with tattoo piercings and a tiny belly bump.
"Husband?" Her eyes glazed through my soul.
I had to bend my head low and forcefully say no.
The long white sleeves she wore that day
did not reflect the pledges, she'd say.
I don't want my little one to have the tagline "mistake"
I don't want my love to be held helpless while getting bullied.
I don't want my baby to be judged when she wanders along the streets.
I can't imagine my girl being touched and looked at by old hags with less clothing.
The doctor's looks and my intrinsic thoughts made me look at my belly and gently sweep my palm over
"What happened was by the law of nature.
And what I am gonna do is just out of love.
I promise you it won't hurt. They will make it fast.
You will be in a better place before you even last.
Just a tiny cut
And sometimes a push
Then you will see people dressed in white.
With wings and crown
Who will be waiting for you, unlike your grandmother in town.
They will hold you close, unlike your dad who left.
They will take care of you, unlike the doctor who judged.
Mommy wanted to see you once before you go.
But she doesn't want to harm you while holding you close.
Just know that mommy loved you much more than you know
You don't belong here, my love, I have to let you go."
I could feel her heartbeat fade away with a pause.
"Is she drowning? Can she breathe?" I asked myself aloud.
Are they taking her out ? My brain gave out
The longest three minutes accompanied my night.
They wrapped my baby and took her away.
I did not hear a single plight of cry that day.
Maybe she was just happy not being born
She knew that she was an angel and belonged among the stars.
I've been carrying a cross from that day till now.
I was helpless and young with my hands both tied
But still, I killed my own baby girl before she was ever born.
And that is just my loss.